Dear Natasha,
I emailed a while back before I knew about this section. I catch a lot of heat from other girls for dating a Japanese woman. Most of them calling me a pervert or accusing me of having an Asian fetish. I just found a woman of Asian descent to be more attractive and I feel that it goes deeper than outward appearances… So my questions are: Do you notice there seems to be an issue when it comes to Caucasian/Asian relationships? If so, why? Why is it such a big deal? Why would people get angry about it? I’m not only asking for myself, my girlfriend catches a lot of heat from people AND HER FAMILY for dating me as well.
Ryan
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Dear Ryan
I’ve only had 3 boyfriends in my life. The first was Asian. Everyone seemed to be fine with that. The second boyfriend was Mexican and that seemed to ruffle a few feathers. The third boyfriend was white. That made me the target of a lot of hatred. It was mostly Asians that said mean and vile things. Actually, I still get harassed from time to time.
I want to help you make the distinction between someone having hatred for you and someone having an issue with you dating an Asian woman. The ones that have hatred for you can fuck off. They are the ones that throw around the word racist, but they are, in fact, the most racist people on the planet. They are super closed-minded, AND YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE THEIR MINDS. But, there are some that have an issue with you dating an Asian woman that stems from somewhere or some thing. Sometimes these people can be shown that your intentions are pure and you aren’t a bad guy.
TRY TO CONSIDER: The Protective
Some Asian people, mostly older, have an issue because they are being protective. They are just trying to look out for their daughters or Asian women as a whole. When “Mailer Order Brides”, first became an option for lonely men looking for a wife, it was mostly white men snatching up Asian women. The reasons many of those men liked the women is because they could take advantage of their desire to come to the country for a better life, their humble personalities and their vulnerable position from being here without any family. Many of these men were mean and demeaned these ladies.Old school Asian parents have also seen a lot of white service men come into their native countries looking for prostitutes. They fear that when they go back home, they will search out an Asian woman with the mindset that she is just something sexual to be used. Even as a child, I was skeptical of white men from what was portrayed in the movies and TV. The old school families have a lack of trust for the guys and why do they give their daughters a hard time for dating white guys? Because they don’t want them to be stupid and fall for someone that doesn’t respect them.
What I would do is show your girlfriend’s parents that you are a good guy. Be super respectful to them. If you ever get the chance, tell them how much respect you have for her and the entire family and then show them that respect. Show them that you are kind. DO NOT run or hide from her family. It just adds to the suspicion.
In my relationships, the Asian and Mexican guy never won my father over, because they just cared about their relationship with me. The white guy was different. He had serious conversations with my father and made it his mission to show that his intentions for me were all paved with RESPECT.
ALSO TRY TO CONSIDER: The Younger Males
There are some young Asian ladies that say, ” I won’t date an Asian guy.” Obviously, if a young Asian guy hears that enough and sees a lot of girls in his close circle only dating white guys, you can see where he would start to feel like, “What the hell? I’m not good enough?” This, of course, happens in all cultures. If a lot of black women heard black men saying, “I don’t date black women” and saw them with only white women, it would hurt. And hurt often turns to anger. The anger is then directed at both people. I am personally not one of those girls. I do have a girlfriend that won’t date Asian men because of the way her father mistreated her mother. I honestly don’t have enough info as to why other girls would not be open to dating “their own kind.” Again the word is respect. If you shows these guys that you have respect for them, they will not hate you for the issues the girls have.You mentioned someone possibly thinking this could be a fetish. I don’t think that is an issue. There are all sorts of fetishes and all sorts of people that have them. Because something is so different, people get a fascination with it. But you don’t date and marry fetishes. You look at photos and videos…maybe an interaction.
I think people will have an issue with you for one of the 3 reasons I mentioned. One, because they are fearful you are one of the guys that might think you can take advantage or control an Asian girl. That can possibly be overcome. Two, because they think you are the reason they are not getting the girl. And three, because they are filled with hate…and the very thought of one of “their own” mixing with you makes them angry. There is NOTHING you can do about that.
So, just go be the greatest guy you possibly can to your girl. AND now that I’ve explained that her family might be fearful of your intentions, try to win them over. It can happen!! Anyone else outside of that, that has a problem with you and your girl being together…..FUCK EM!! Who cares what they think? I mean that seriously. I noticed you were letting some of the comments this week, get to you. DON’T!
Hit me in a few months after you have made some effort with the family okay? I wanna know, because IMYAGIRL,
Natasha
