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I Live With My Mother…

Are women put off by this?


Dear Natasha,

I have something that has been on my mind for sometime now. I want the truth, regardless if it will hurt my feelings.

My mother is living with me as she currently can not afford to financially support herself. We split the finances and having said that, my job isn’t the greatest, but I make enough that I can pay the bills and mortgage. But for the past year since she doesn’t have a job, almost all the bills etc fall on me, which leaves me with very little to spend on other things. Family value means a lot to me, so moving on and leaving my mother on her own, is something I can not do. She helped me in the time of need and was with me every day when I had my brain surgery. So I feel it my duty to help her.

So my question is, are woman (in general) put off because my mother is living with me and also because I have to “watch” what I spend, is that a turn off? I’ve heard all the time that you can do lot of things that doesn’t involve money on a date. Though I’m a kind of guy that wants to be able to take my date to dinner from time to time or theatre etc.

Anyhow, I’ve rambled on enough, I’d like to know what you think and I have a feeling that I might ask you advice again on other matters regarding my dating life. But that’s for another email.

From an admirer of yours




Dearest Dieter,

First, I want to commend you for being a good son.  I think we all want to know that we can count on someone being there when we are at out lowest points.  I’m glad that you appreciate that your mom was there for you and now you are giving her the love and attention she needs.

Second, you asked me the question, “are woman (in general) put off because my mother is living with me and also because I have to watch what I spend.” The answer, unfortunately, is yes…NOT ALL women but a lot.  There are many women that are selfish….they will not consider the situation you are in….they will simply look at whether or not, you can spend a lot of money on them, and whether or not you have your own place.  I believe one of the guys that posted here described these women the best, shallow.

Dieter, if a girl judges you for living with your Mom and won’t even take the time to try and understand what a great thing you are doing, she’s not worthy of having you.  I know it sounds cliche, but it’s true.

Finally, I’m really glad that I finally started this ADVICE feature and allowed others to comment.  Although I’m supposed to be giving my advice, there will be times that others give an answer that is better than what I can offer.  I don’t mind that.  I’m super happy to see others offering their thoughts and support.  Although there were many great opinions, I just feel like Josh Thomas post was perfect.  He said:

There is a difference between living with your Mother and taking care of your Mother. The latter obviously being your situation. Having said that, any woman with a moral conscience would understand and in fact, most likely to find that very attractive.   As for your financial situation, creativity goes a long way. There are plenty of things you could do all-day long without spending a single $1. Be original.

Women who are about looks and money are shallow. I don’t know you, but my guess is that you need a woman who cares about the finer things in life that money and looks can’t buy.

Find a woman you are truly interested in getting to know, have a small, low-key date and find out what moves her. Then take her out, geared towards the things you learned about her, ideally with the interests being common, and in the process, let her know about your life. Be honest and upfront. She will appreciate you for that.

Thanks for trusting in me.




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