Dear Natasha,
So I take my wife out on her birthday, and we at the club… She tells me to go and see if I still got it and try to pick up another girl. I got offended by it. Did I over react? I ended up trying, but I struck out. She tried to get a number and didn’t strike out. She got the number. I felt like I could be replaced like nothing! What should I have done differently?
Your twitter friend,
Armando
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Armando,
I’ve read your letter a few times. Each time it has left me with the feeling that I need to help you see what might be going on.
Your whole focus was and still is on your inability to get a stranger’s number, while your wife got a number. Your ego got so hurt and you are so FOCUSED on the event that you might be blind to what REALLY happened that night. Now, I don’t know this for a FACT, but everything in me is telling me to open your eyes to the possibility that your wife had a different agenda.
On the surface, it seems like a fun idea…your wife says, “Hey babe, why don’t you go try and get a number to see if you still got it…then I’ll try it.” I hate to tell you this, Armando, but that’s a move that a lot of players and wanna-be swingers use. I think there is a strong chance that your wife wants to talk with other men or saw someone that night she was interested in. The only way she could have a conversation with the person or talk with other men was to first let you have a chance.
First, let’s deal with your ego being hurt. Let’s be real, getting a phone number for a guy is actually a difficult task. A girl is not going to give it to you just because you asked. You would first need to find a SINGLE lady, that is open to meeting someone. Then you would need to buy her a drink, make her laugh, and show her a damn god time on the dance floor. That process would take two hours. Unless she is easy or desperate, a girl only gives out a phone number when they are available and REALLY interested in a guy. Here you are, all down on yourself over something that most likely wasn’t going to happen.
Let’s get back to your wife. Why does she need to see if you still got it? Why does she need to check and see if she still has it???? Just in case??? When you are married and serious about your a monogamous commitment to one another, you don’t play with fire like that. Let’s say you DID get a number from a girl that night. The next week you would have her on your mind. Then you would be tempted to see just how far the thing could go. Same thing with your wife….her getting a connection with this guy only started something in motion.
Look, there are a few types of couples that will play this game sometimes. First are the swingers. They are out talking with people apart from each other KNOWING that there is likelihood this will lead to something. The next type of couple that does this is called the adventurous couple. They are the ones that think of something like this, but because they are so in love, they do it together. They will both try to approach a chick and see if the guy or both of them can get a girl’s number. The last type, my friend, is the broken couple. This is where one person is looking and the only way to seem like they aren’t doing anything is to make the other go first or make it seem like it’s all a game. So, which couple are you? You aren’t swingers. And you aren’t doing this as a team.
When I was younger, I had a boyfriend who pulled this EXACT same shit with me. He always had me do something first, so then he could say, ” okay, my turn, watch…this will be fun!” I believed him too. My friends tried to tell me what was going on, but I chose not to see it. Then when I finally decided to leave the relationship it all came out. He apologized for playing those games and admitted what was going on.
So, my advice? Keep an eye on this. If you do think it’s innocent and you want to send your wife alone to talk to men, just understand the danger involved. If you think it’s innocent and you like having fun like this, see how she feels about doing it together. You might even want to consider asking her to just be honest and ask, “Honey, do you wish you could have fun on the side sometimes?” Maybe she loves you, but desires to be with others. I don’t judge swingers…I just don’t like liars. If that is the case, that she wants to get some on the side, you will have to decide if you want to be in a “swinging” relationship.
Lastly, I’ll say again…stop worrying about not getting a phone number from a stranger while your wife got it so easy. Not only is making you lose sight of what’s important, it’s silly to compare the two. Any girl can get a guy’s number… Most guys at the club just wanna fuck…so 8 out of 10 will say “here!” Girls don’t give them up so easy, unless they are…easy.
I hope this helps.
IMYAGirl,
Natasha
