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I wanted your advice about how to handle something going on with my fiancé, Shae. We have been together 3 years and engaged for the past year.
The main problem is, Shae doesn’t get along with my Mom. My mother and I have been close my entire life. She is who she is, set in her ways, and probably not going to change at this point in her life.
My mother has been hard on Shae almost the entire time we have been together. Honestly my Mom can be mean. She has been that way to all of the boy’s girlfriends. I told my fiancé not to take it personal. She dealt with it well our entire relationship, but recently, Shae has been standing up to my Mom and getting into arguments with her. And now that we are getting married, Shae is shutting her out of everything.
Now that Shae is arguing with my Mom and has pushed her out of the wedding planning, it’s causing a serious strain on MY relationship with my mother. She told my brother recently that she can’t believe her own son would allow someone to talk to her like that. So my Mom is upset with me.
And as far as Shae, I’m glad she has never asked me to say something to my Mom, cus I wouldn’t. But now I’m starting to see some anger or resentment from her when I don’t.
I hate being caught in the middle of these 2 women that I love. Do you have any advice on how to handle this?
If you want a happy marriage, DON’T listen to the comments that advise you to take your Mother’s side at all costs. DO listen to many of the others.
You do want a great marriage right? Then it’s time to show your girl that you have her back. I’m not saying have her back all the time. Shit, if she is rude to your mother and your mother has done nothing wrong, then stand up for your Mom. I guess the best advice would be, let your Mom & your fiancé talk on their own, but if one is being abusive, nasty or mean, STEP IN and say, “Hey, I love this woman. She deserves better.” Then tell them if this was reversed, I would be saying the same thing.
It was interesting to see comments that suggested you should always stand by family. HELLO!! That’s what you are about start with your fiancé! A family. And she HAS TO KNOW you are her protector. If I were her, I would be thinking that the man I wanted to spend my life with is too afraid to even stand up to his own Mommy. I personally couldn’t be with a man that is afraid of his mother and would sit by and watch her walk all over me. NO THANKS!
I’m actually worried for your relationship at this point. You are not even married and you think your fiancé is already starting to resent you. It’s time to do damage control now.
My advice is, tell your fiancé that you love your mother very much. And in an attempt to show her the upmost respect, you allowed her to get away with a lot. Tell her, however, that you are going to start standing up to your mother. And then, do it.
Tell your mom that you love this woman and you can’t allow ANYONE to mistreat her. Tell her that you also wouldn’t let anyone mistreat your own mother. If your mother can’t live without being a bitch to your fiancé, than let your Mom know you will stop coming by until she makes the change. She might get mad. She might not speak to you for a while. That’s her choice. Hopefully, she will come around. If not, it’s still her choice. But YOU chose to get married. That means act like it.
If you aren’t going to stand up to your Mom, then don’t get married. Just be single and focus on making your Mom happy.
I’m sorry if this response seems harsh, but too many woman have had to deal with overbearing, rude mothers because their sons are acting like pussies!
Love ya Gary! Go do what’s right!
NOTE TO EVERYONE WHO LEFT A NOTE BELOW:
The comments by all of you were absolutely amazing in my opinion! We’re not going to all agree with one another. That would suck if that was the case. Although I have strong opinions on some things, like this letter. I definitely respect and appreciate all the different perspectives. I think I’ve said it before, but that’s why this is my favorite feature of the site.
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